I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Randomize
