i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize