You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
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