You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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