$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Randomize
