Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
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