Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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