Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Randomize
