I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Randomize
