I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
