dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
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