I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
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