i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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