I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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