Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
