Who wears a wallet chain?!
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
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