i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Randomize
