I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Randomize
