someone threw a dead crab at me
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Randomize
