can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
