You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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