felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Randomize
