No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Randomize
