There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
