Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
My liver just broke up with me...
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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