I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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