Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Randomize
