How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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