he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
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