Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
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