I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Randomize
