Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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