If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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