Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Randomize
