What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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