On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Randomize
