Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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