Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
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