i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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