just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
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