you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
her facebook's as public as her vagina
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Randomize
