I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
