Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
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