i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
My vagina just recognized that song.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
