Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
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