she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize