I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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