I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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