What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I supernannyed him into submission
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
