Screwed.edu
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
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