i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
