Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
