thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I can't turn off my feet"
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Randomize
