remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
