I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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