so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
