There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
false alarm, still single
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
