It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
