did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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