Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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