Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Randomize
