I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
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