When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
