trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
