i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
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