I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Randomize
